Alright, first of all, I'm only relearning how to design web pages as of the last few months. It's been four years plus since I tried my hand at it previous, and a lot has changed (and I didn't know a lot then). However, despite all this, I'm learning what I want to learn.

My biggest pet peeve about going to any html message board or chatroom is that, inevitably, when I ask how to do some trick or utilize some feature, some asshole idiot is going to say 'don't use that in your web page'. I honestly believe that if I were to ask how to add text to my webpages, some simple minded fuck would say,'don't use text on your website'. Get this through your thick skulls, morons. This is MY web page. It is primarily for MY entertainment, and YOUR entertainment ranks a far distant second. Sooner or later I might learn a better way to do things, but in the meantime I'll utilize what I've learned, so take your comments on how YOU'D do it, shove them up your ass, and write your own god damned web page the way YOU want it. If I start designing commercially (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA) then maybe I'll give a pickled panda's pecker what you have to say about how it SHOULD be done.

Moronic Statement #2 : "Your Page Eats Bandwidth"

So don't log onto it. Once again, this page is for ME first, you second. I admit it, I'm a bandwidth snob, and while I pity those who are still running on modems, I do not pander to them.

Moronic Statement #3 : "Most of the links don't work!"

That's true, most of them don't. Every time I make a new page, I expect to create many links to go to new places that haven't been built yet. Consider it planning ahead, as if I were constructing a vast new city or some such thing.

Moronic Statement #4 : "You're very negative about a lot of things"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, you are RIGHT! The anonymous nature of the web allows for people to express more fully the many feelings and attitudes about the world around them that they sometimes keep in reserve in the real world to avoid unnecessarily hurting the feelings of others. I warn you all right from the start that I'm not going to pretend to feel any way I don't actually feel.

As for 'not saying anything if you can't say anything nice', fuck all that. This is the web. This is information in a plasma state. Say anything, say everything. If you have a fact, an opinion, a story, an attitude, three hundred random syllables you want to throw out, then by god DO it, because its through this massive collaboration of thought and idea that our species grows in knowledge and wisdom.

Besides, it's not like ALL I do is trash things or offend people. It's just that that tends to make the most immediate impression. Go read the Straight Up. I'm nice to people there.

If anything I say offends you, then chances are you really need to be offended.

Moronic Statement #5 : "This website has a lot of unnecessary adult content like cursing, pornography and sick attitudes."

I am of the opinion that there are two types of people in the world when it comes to 'adult themes'. Those who aren't mature enough to enjoy them, and those who are. That's pretty much it. If you're offended by rough language or nude people or violent ideas or vivid depictions of the more unpleasant qualities of our species, then what can I say, you need to start growing up, and quick. A few pointers :

"Fuck" is just another word. People get offended by 'go fuck yourself', but not by 'go screw yourself, even though the two words are being used as synonyms, and are even phonetically similar. What possible logic could you have for allowing 'screw' to be an acceptable way of describing the idea, but not the word 'fuck'? There is none. If you are offended by the word, you're either immature or neurotic. This is true for all 'curse' words.

Nudity and sex are things we're biologically and socially engineered to enjoy. Somehow, oppressive and overbearing social efforts have managed to convince many people that it isn't enjoyable, or that they should pretend it isn't around other people. To such people I say "Pshaw, get a shrink, you fool." I like nudity, I like sex. So should you, if your genes and hormones are all in working order. Now, if you don't want to look at such things in such detail, or don't want to look at them right NOW, fine. Who cares. Go somewhere else. Most nudity or sex depicted through sound, word or picture will clearly labeled as such, so there shouldn't be any worry.

Violence I can understand being offended by. However (and this is an issue I've wrestled with for years), vs. Spy does not live by the 'stare into the abyss' philosophy. Exposure and knowledge are our salvation, not ignorance and self inflicted blindness. I think we've already firmly established that violence isn't going to go away if we pretend it's not there.

Moronic Statement #6 : "There's no coherency to your website."

Yeah, that's true. This is more for whatever I have available to inflict on the world than to maintain a theme.

Moronic Statement #7 : "This-and-that movie/book/band was really good and you trashed it! I'm offended!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!. Tasteless idiots. In matters of art appreciation I am absolutely unrelenting. Taste has collapsed in the US and contrary to what most of you idiots think, while beauty may lie in the eye of the beholder, skill, talent and devotion DON'T. I will shortly be posting my reasoned writings on why matters of art can be compared in quality like ANY OTHER CRAFT, regardless of what you people who never learned anything more than what Robin Williams spouted at you from Dead Poet's Society think. Until then, take my word for it, if I said it sucked, then it sucked. You can still like it if you want, hell, I like some things that suck, but at least be honest with yourself.

Moronic Statement #8 : "As a person who KNOWS you personally, I couldn't help but notice that you call me, a trusted friend, an idiot, moron or asshole by proxy around 68 times on this site."

Yeah, I realize this, and I apologize. These rants aren't directed at anyone in particular, they're just what I think at the moment. Take heart! These statements probably aren't directed at you in particular, and anyone that actually knows me is used to it by now anyway.

Moronic Statement #9 : "I'm made of CHEEEEEEEESEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"

I'm made of CHEEEEEEEEEEEEESE!!!!!!

And now some questions....

How often do you update material?:

Entirely at random. I will admit that there's still not much up yet, but I'm getting the webpage into order before I post a lot of the stuff I have. Ultimately, all written pieces and musical pieces that I create of any sort will appear here. Until then, scrounge as you can.

Why vs. Spy?:

It sounded cool! Plus, I'm an old fan of the Spy vs. Spy cartoons. Originally it was DJ vs. Spy, but I'm not actually a DJ, and Producer vs. Spy didn't have quite the same ring, so now I'm just vs. Spy.

Do you create all your own music?:

With help from friends, yes. Most of my music comes from my own recordings of my own live instrument work, pieces I've constructed on music generation software and sound clips I've recorded directly from real life. Occasionally I grab a fun sound bite from another source (either spoken word or some abstract sound that I tweak). I also collaborate with friends who use their own material taken from god knows where, so on collaborations, I make no claims as to the origins of any of the sounds. But other than that, for better or for worse, it's my own stuff. Dealing with music software is another realm that I'm only just beginning to explore.

Do you produce the works of other people?:

No. vs Spy productions is merely a name I use to copyright my own material under. With the exception of collaborations, it's nothing but my own works.

Where is this month's article for the Pasquinade, you worthless so and so?

I'M WORKING ON IT!!!!!!

Do you accept the works and rants of other people on your website?:

Sure, provided it's understood that I pay nothing and make it clear that any articles not written by me are NOT written by me. It also has to meet both my artistic standards as well as complying with my ethical standards. If I don't feel your points have merit, then your only hope is if I decide to post it to mock it. And, once again, it is understood that I'm not producing, backing or copyrighting the works of other people, but merely posting them on my page.

Why did you make this page in the first place?:

My own entertainment and to get my voice out into the world. Who knows, perhaps it'll make some kind of difference, or at least entertain someone.

Do you accept banners?

Nope, except in the links section. I find most web advertisements to be repulsive, excepting those pages where the entire site is the advertisement. I have no intention of ruining an already shaky page with a bunch of really repulsive banners.

Okay, I'm curious about the 'cheeeeeeeese' thing...:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! NEVER, Motherfuckers!!!! I'll NEVER tell !!!!!

Are these actually frequently asked questions? No. Shut up! I'll have real feedback someday and people really WILL ask the same question over and over! You'll see!!!