When Good SCenes Happen to Bad Movies

When Good Scenes Happen To Bad Movies

Most people I know have, at one time or another, at least THOUGHT about making a compilation video tape. This is done all the time for audio recordings (taking the few songs you like from a group of albums you don't and combining them in a single recording), but it's far more rare when it comes to film and video. Still, it has to be done on occasion for the simple reason that sometimes a true gem of a scene is lodged within a putrid rotting husk of a film.

Most people review movies based on subjective abstracts like 'personal taste' and 'artistic leaning'. As a result, most film reviews tell us very little about what many of us really want to know about in a film. You know that 'this critic liked it' and 'this critic didn't'. That's about it. As to why, all you get is some twit's half assed contemplations as to what constitutes good or bad acting, and that's about it. You never learn much about the film itself. Certainly you have to hunt to find a reviewer who'll say, "I hated it, but if you're big into decapitations, this might be a pick for you."

There are a lot of really bad movies out there which deserve some note or mention for 'that one thing'. A particular scene or style, the thing that sets that film apart from all the other just plain bad films of the same genre. Wouldn't it be great if, before renting a movie, someone were to say to you, "it sucks, but fast forward to THIS one scene! It's got so and so making an ass of themselves!". Hell yeah, that'd be handy. Well, here's my contribution to that most worthy ideal, a collection of the scenes or qualities from a variety of movies that weren't really worth watching, except FOR these scenes or qualities. Enjoy.

(Disclaimer : I don't give a rat's rump if you think some of these were good movies. They weren't, shut up. Get used to having poor taste.)

Blade :

This movie had one of the single worst scripts ever written in the history of bad scripts, and to top it off, the dialogue was even WORSE. However, honestly, a couple of the set designs were incredibly well done, and the sped up fighting scenes with Wesley Snipes slaughtering many many lame vampires can be fun to watch provided you drown out all sound from the actual film. Allow no audio track through, and splice in some Underworld instead, and you're set. This is what I call a "Previewer", a movie where all of the good scenes appeared in the trailer.

Shrek :

Any male who can't get over their 'that vague cartoon representation of a female irrationally stimulates my natural urge to mate' stage can relive their childhood fantasies through the princess in this film, a 3D computer generated character that must have had at LEAST 3,000 points of joint articulation given the way her breasts bounced about. They even included the dimples over her ass. Thank god for Dreamworks, who realizes that cartoon women should inspire lust in those of us unclear on the concept of maturity or moral purity. Hey, this just made me wonder. Lesbian women, any of you ever want to bang an animated female, or is that mostly an adolescent male thing?

Shrek also had, I will admit, a couple of really beautifully rendered landscapes. I mean, astounding, even if they were generated on a filthy MACHINE.