Charlie's Angels :

An almost completely unwatchable movie, it does have this one tiny scene where one of the villains, a rather thin, brooding english fellow, leaps, spins, slides one footed along a box and fires at the angels. Excellent shot, even if it only lasts about half a second.Also, it was kind of fun watching Barrymore hold off a bunch of guys by spreading her legs REAAAAL wide. What a slut.

Desperado :

There is a disease that most directors get after their first big box office success. The first symptom is when some studio hands them an excessive budget. This guarantees that their next film will be complete bilge that sort of looks nice. Robert Rodriguez is, far from being the exception, sort of the penultimate example of this rule, going from a low budget marvel of pointless violence, namely El Mariachi, to a high dollar, big name feature film that was just pointless, namely the revolting little pseudo-sequel, Desperado. You'd swear to god that John Woo directs this piece of trash, but he doesn't. However, in an obvious reference to Woo's particular 'dueling' style, you get to watch a variety of 'gun offs' throughout the movie, and it's during one of these blatant ripoffs (or poorly styled tributes, take your pick) that we get our 'one good scene'.

Classic Woo always has at least one scene where a hero and a villian end up in a face to face mexican standoff, arms crossing each other, guns pointed point blank at each others' faces. These resolve themselves in a variety of pointless manners, however, in Desperado : El Mariachi 2, Rodriguez gives us an amusing twist to this worn out routine.

Our mexican standoff doesn't occur until after all but two people (our hero and one other guy) in a bar full of gunslingers have died. The floor of the bar is covered with dead guys and their abandoned weapons. The standoff occurs! Both triggers are pulled! Both guns are empty! Both characters drop and grab two random guns from the floor! New standoff. But wait, both guns are empty AGAIN! Repeat until joke wears thin. It's funny. Also, the 'crotch level six shooter' (a prop that makes a reappearance in Rodriguez and Taratino's 'From Dusk Till Dawn', a COMPLETELY unwatchable movie) is sort of amusing. It's better in From Dusk Till Dawn, but not good enough to watch the movie.

Deep Blue Sea :

Okay, now for true and total pointless lame camp, you can't beat this film in the modern day. It was really bad, but it was so fun to mock openly. Get some friends, get them drunk and surly, and just let them tear this worthless rag apart. Still, for all that it sucks, it too has it's one great scene. At one point, morale among our surviving heroes (who are trapped in a submerged lab which is slowly flooding while being harassed by super-intelligent sharks with nothing better to do than annoy scientists) is understandably beginning to wane. So Samuel L. Jackson, the only person in this film to have any balls, begins giving a rousing 'we'll prevail, we're HUMAN' speech, which is ended abruptly when a shark leaps up out of a pool of water behind him and chomps him in one gulp. It was hilarious. I laughed for minutes. The only thing that could have made it better would have been if it had bit him off at the knees, leaving the bloody stumps behind as a testimony to the wisdom of not loitering around pools of water infested with super-intelligent sharks with nothing better to do than annoy (and eat) scientists.

House on Haunted Hill (1999 remake) :

I'm not here to compare the two. Whatever you thought of the first attempt at this movie, the second one was worse. Idiotic writing, terrible acting, overdone special effects, pretty much what we've come to expect from hollywood horror. But, IF you take away ALL the sound, all the dialogue, all the plot, all the scenes, in fact, where any of the named actors actually appear, and just watch the first shots of the basement area and the couple of horrific appearances (the thing with the 'jacobs ladder' style neck problems and the like) then you find that somewhere in this awful movie was someone who really UNDERSTOOD horror. For some frightening images, this is actually the place to look. You just have to cut through all the incredible bullshit to get to them.

The Cage :

Terrible movie with the rare excellent cinematic gem. This movie had about three really beautiful shots in it, each lasting about a minute. As the marketing experts focused their advertising on these three shots, you can see why the movie was such a terrible disappointment. This is another film where the dialogue is completely unbearable, and was probably thrown in as an afterthought. "Aren't films supposed to have people talkin' in 'em?". "Yeah, I reckon so...". The best part of this film was the costume design for said cinematic gems. The worst part of this film was everything else, right down to the freaking best boy.

Dark City :

The movie is best left buried as a failed attempt to capture the gen-x goth ideal, but before we plant it in the ground, lets cut off the bits of meat that aren't yet spoiled. Truth is, for all that this movie was a complete flop, it has some gorgeous footage, and even bits of misplaced acting. Overall, it's another previewer. If you can find the long trailer of this movie, you've got all the good bits.

Broken Arrow :

Damned its nice to watch John Travolta kick the snot out of Christian Slater, even if I had to sit through this drivel to do it. Of course, I did, but you don't have to. You get to watch it occur in the first few seconds of the film. The first time JT says 'please don't shoot at the thermonuclear weapons' is also funny, even if it's stupid (and he repeats the phrase shortly afterwards as John "I never should have been given a budget" Woo desperately tries to squeeze blood from a stone.)