The Straight Up Features : Oban's Single Malt Scotch

In the world of the straight up drinker, there's nothing quite so refreshing as a good scotch. Neither sipped nor swigged, you drink a scotch, putting the glass firmly to your lips and imbibing a fair quantity of the fluid, which you roll around your tongue for a moment or two to truly savor the taste before slowly allowing it to traverse the trachea in order to appreciate the warmth and texture inherent to a good scotch. (Or even a bad one)

In the eyes of many people who drink scotch regularly, there is no scotch but the single malt. Blended scotches are right out, no matter how well made. A single malt is not dissimilar to going to a restaurant with a truly fine chef, which is to say that even the exact same meal is going to taste a little different ordered two different times. Oban's single malt is one of the best I've yet encountered.

From a highland distillery in west Scotland founded in 1794, Oban's 14 year single malt scotch carries both a refined flavor and a pretty solid punch, resulting in a fine beverage for any occasion, whether a family gathering, a night with the hooligans or drinking alone.

Normally I hate those smug, self-righteous assholes who tell you what something 'tastes' like. I rarely find, even after careful consideration, that my wine, say, had anything even remotely resembling the feel or flavor of 'smoke and graham cracker, with the faintest hint of the salty breeze off the ocean, and a subtle scent of irony'. It's pretentious bullshit, if you ask me, and there seems to be a pretty solid limit to the flavors out there. Peat, smoke, chocolate, graham cracker, salt, brine, butter, oak and my ass seem to be the only possible impressions anyone could get from drinking an alcohol of any sort. So I usually say, 'screw all that shit, it tastes like good scotch. Drink up!'. But in this case I have to be one of those swine, because I swear to god that Oban's has an aftertaste of wheat and honey. The aftertaste is sweet, kind of like what you always THINK honey nut cheerios is going to taste like before you actually put it in your mouth. It's not a 'sweet' scotch, like I said, it's an aftertaste, but it helped make an already smooth scotch even smoother. Great stuff, great stuff. (I checked a few reviews. Everyone else said 'peat'. Morons.)

Key facts about Oban's :

Alcohol Content : 43%. That's 86 proof. That should be more than enough for most of you to get soused with.

Age : 14 years. Older than many yearly scotches you'll find in a drink where age does matter.

Price (.750) : $48-50. Oh, c'mon. It's over 80 proof!. How much do you think you're going to drink in a day? Trust me, it's worth it.

Notes : Don't ruin your Oban's by mixing it with soda or even putting ice in the glass. If you want it cold, chill your glass first.

Final Standing : Completely Pissed.